Dancing When No One's Looking

My Lambs are Your Lambs

2005-04-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

O Most Loving Father, You are the Lord over the YLSS... You are the Good Shepherd. Heed the cry of your lambs. Hurry to their aid.

Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is your name... Jesus, Lamb of God, Worthy is your name.

I pray... O let the love of God enfold you with His Spirit like a dove. Let him fill your heart and satisfy your soul. Let him have the things that hold you and His Spirit like a dove will descend upon your life and make you whole. Jesus, O Jesus, come and fill your lambs... Jesus, O Jesus, come and feed your lambs.

Lord, we are your undershepherds. We are weak. But in our weakness, we glorify you because you are strong. Hurry to our aid. We surrender to you and your ways. Use us. Teach us. Tend us that we may be like you.

Father, at times the burdens may be too heavy for us to carry. Give us the grace to cast everything to you. Give us courage and strength to safeguard your lambs against the evil one. Help us to stand firm on your word and hold fast to your love and promises.

Bless us, O Lord as we serve you, pls. address our needs because we cast everything to you. We, the members of flock 4 & 5 look to you and wait on you. Work mightily. Be marvelous and evident in the lives of our lambs. Manifest your healing grace, your saving love and your magnificent power. Show them how alive you are, how practical you are and how loving you are. For you are true and worthy of all praise and worship.

Halleluiah! Glory be to you, Lord Jesus.

Amen and amen!

Dancing Again

2004-09-29T02:28:00.002-07:00

I want to start dancing again -- choosing to be happy in spite of all the crap I get at the office.
I just feel that if I decide to be happy, people will read it as agreeing to whatever terms my boss is trying to shove down my throat.

I must admit, I do dislike him. He lost my trust. He's consistent at losing it anyway. I'm tired on counting on his word because He doesn't keep it.

Why should my happiness depend on him? On the other hand, why should I give him the satisfaction of seeing me settling down in his team? I don't know....

I can see that I'm hung up on this concern. I need to see the light at the end of this tunnel. I hope my clouds clear up soon. :s

Dancing Again

2004-09-29T02:28:00.001-07:00

Dancing Again

2004-09-29T02:28:00.000-07:00

The Starting Over House

2004-09-29T02:13:00.000-07:00

Everyone needs space and chance to start over...

Today, I saw the episode in Starting Over where the life coaches decide to let Theresa graduate. Don't get me wrong. I'm no die hard fan of Starting Over. I just chance upon certain episodes and see snippets of the lives of the housemates in that house. I've had a glimpse of Theresa's life -- she had a lot of debts and was helpless. But now, I see her all worked up and motivated, I suddenly envy her.

I envy her coz I'm in a ho-hum stage of my career life. And when I say career life, I mean 80% of my life. Ever since I joined SMART, I allowed my work to rule most of my time, hence, rule my life. I'm stuck. I had my mind and heart set on transferring to a new department by now. But things seem dim. My current boss doesn't want to permit me to transfer, hr doesn't seem to care and the other department seems helpless. I'm thinking, maybe this is right where the Lord wants me to be... Or maybe there's something I should do that I haven't done yet. I'm ready to give up and just go with the follow. Coz hey, I have our wedding preps and my impending marriage life to think about...

Anyway, seeing the changed Theresa... hits a note in me. I want to be right where she is now. I want to feel accomplishment over something important to me. It is my mid-term goal to transfer before the year ends. There are just 2-3 months til the year-end and nothing seems to happen yet. Maybe, like Theresa and her housemates at the starting over house, I must set goals and act upon them. So, okay, here they go:

Get the real score on the status of my transfer - talk to my boss... Boss, Ano na?
Come to terms with the possible end-scenarios and seek for a win-win situation - mature, jopay!
Shape up or ship out (at the end of the year) - if the odds are with me staying in e-services, I should think of a contingency plan for next year/year-end or change my attitude and learn to gel with the team

Pamilyang Pinoy & Events

2004-08-21T08:38:00.000-07:00

I'm going to an event today. Pamilyang Pinoy Event. Though it would be in Malabon and with CDE people, I am excited. I find it exciting and very interesting because we would see our target market face to face. Events are like actual implementation of plans. It is something concrete that would generate a great deal of output if it is successful.

Carla is in Davao. She will go to Cebu later. She, on the other hand is seeing if we can tie up with Talk'N Text's Palengke Tour. We're targetting the same market as Talk'N Text's. That's why she's checking out the happenings. This is good exposure for us. We would get valuable insights through these activities.

I brought a camera with me. I will upload pictures once I have them already.

When My Time Comes

2004-06-15T17:19:00.000-07:00

When David was about to die, he gave his son Solomon this instruction, "I am about to go the way of all creatures. Be strong and show yourself a man. Keep the commandments of Yahweh your God and walk in his ways. Keep his statutes, his commands, his ordinances and declarations written in the law of Moses, that you may succeed in whatever you do and wherever you go. If you do so, Yahweh will fulfill the promise he made to me: If your sons take care to walk before me faithfully with their whole heart and their whole soul, you shall always have one of your descendants on the throne of Israel."

When I die, this is the message I'd like to leave with my children.

Friends Warm the Heart and Refresh the Soul

2004-06-13T17:55:00.000-07:00

I met with my friends last friday over lunch. Their mere presence strengthened me. Again, I was reminded that there's more to life than the stress and pressure I experience 8-12 hours a day at work. I was enriched by their smiles, laughter and stories. Meals are meant to be shared with friends. A shared meal opens ones soul to another because as each one depends on the food they partake, each one opens himself up and exposes his vulnerability to the rest. Exposing one's self is okay because in the company of friends, their is trust, trust that honesty is accepted, no matter what color it is.

1st Birthday

2004-06-09T08:56:00.000-07:00

My nephew celebrated his birthday last may. I am happy and excited for him.
Come to think of it, we never really remember our 1st birthdays. We just have pictures that as remnants of the "Big" day to help us remember. But 1st year birthdays are more for the celebrant's parents than for the celebrant. It marks the parent's accomplishment-- seeing their 1st child through his 1st year. It also works as a reason for people, relatives & friends to meet up once again.

Isaiah Tye's 1st birthday encountered some bumps but in the end, the party was fun. Isaiah was happy so were we.

That Will be the Day

2004-05-27T22:51:00.000-07:00

Mom just told me that Dad doesn't have enough money to cover for this month's family expense. Oh no! And I thought I could borrow money from my Dad. It's hard to see one's old man down. I could only imagine the pressure he's going through.

... So to help see him through the day, I offered him Php 500 as his allowance for today. He willingly accepted. They say that sooner or later, our tables will be turned. I will become the parent and they will become my children. They would depend on me as I have depended on them.

Till such time, I should muster enough strength so I can take care of them as good as they did to me.

Voices in Your Head, Voices All Around

2004-05-26T18:18:00.000-07:00

I woke with voices in my head or probably, they were the voices of people in our household urging me to wake up. I couldn't understand what they were saying but I knew they were scrambling up my brain with their noise.

I've had enough noise to listen to this week but it seems as if the god of noise decided to spite me this week, no make that, this month! It's hard to listen to every voice that comes my way. It's difficult to consider every single thing I hear. It's confusing, mind-boggling and t robs me of my peace.

Yes, I know now have a new weapon -- the magnifying lens grandma gave me but that's just for my eyes. What about my ears? Can't I just plug cotton balls in them to block away the sounds? Hehe... I guess not. So what do I do when I want to detox my mind from all the noise my ears pick up? Well, I run crying to the Source of Peace & Wisdom. Guess what He said to me today? :)

"Take courage, for just as you have borne witness to my cause in Jerusalem, so you must bear witness in Rome."

"Righteous Father, the world also does not know you, but I know you, and they know that you sent me"

"O Lord, my allotted portion & my cup, it is you who hold fast my lot"

"Keep me, O God, for in you I take refuge;
I say to the Lord, "My Lord are you."
O Lord, my allotted portion & my cup, you it is who hold fast my lot.
I bless the Lord who counsels my; even in the night my heart exhorts me.
I set the Lord ever before me; with him at my right hand I shall not be disturbed.
Therefore my heart is glad and my soul rejoices, my body too, abides in confidence; Because you will not abandon my soul to the nether world, nor will you suffer your faithful on to undergo corruption. You will show me the path to life, fullness of joys in your presence,the delights at your right hand forever."

Now... the voices in my head and all around me turned to silence. I hope this lasts the whole day long. :)

Using the Right Eye to View Through the Magnifying Lens

2004-05-26T18:01:00.000-07:00

After catching the lesson taught by the dear grandma in the chapel with huge magnifying lens... I went on... but sooner than I expected, the lesson learned had been washed away by my unruly emotions. We all know how the heart can over rule one's mind & will. So there I was, with half a day left, I put down my "good defenses", threw away the magnifying lens grandma gave me and placed myself in the middle of a battle I created for myself. What a stupid thing to do, huh? Tsk... Tsk... Tsk... I should have known better and kept my cool & composure but there I was, using my tongue to lash out at everyone's incompetencies. Honestly, doing that made me feel good... well, to some extent.

But when night came and there was nothing left to do but sleep, I heard a gentle voice reminding me about the magnifying lens dear old grandma shared with me. Rattled, I searched my whole being to find. Luckily, I did find it. I almost wanted to hit my own head with it so I won't forget to use it nor have the urge to throw it away again. Hehehe... Then, I thought to myself, hey, even if I hold the magnifying lens before me the whole day or say my entire life, it would do me no good to use the wrong eye to look through it coz if I do, I would magnify unpleasant and dark things about other people and myself. But most of the time, I can't just ignore the ugly things I see. But as the old ancient book of life says, it's better to walk with one eye that to have both eyes and walk straight to gehena. So, if you see someone walking with one eye closed and the other looking through magnifying lens, that could be me. I hope that would be me.

Magnifying Lens

2004-05-25T23:26:00.000-07:00

Waking up with a heavy heart is a tough ordeal. The remnants of yesterday's stories and activities are still lagged in my mind. So I do the motions of going through my daily routines-- taking a bath, dressing up, getting ready for work, commuting from house to office... Breathing as if only to exhale my desperation. As if it would help. But it only left me out of sufficient breathe. Foolish thing to do.

Knowing that it is not a smart thing to start a day that way, I decided to passby a nearby chapel to align with my Big Heavenly Father. Funny how the mural in the chapel's ceiling displayed Him looking down on all who went there. To make sure I'll be 100% receptive to His words, I went to confession and made peace with Him. Then I sat there right in front of Him, looking at Him eye to eye, heart to heart. Of course, I couldn't help but fall asleep once in a while in the process ;) but my heart turned from heavyweight to feather-light the longer I sat there.

When I was almost done listening to His voice, I opened my eyes and saw a very old lady walk in the chapel. What fascinated me about her was the indiscreetly huge magnifying lens she used to read her daily prayers. With eyes that can barely see clearly, she went on praying, not minding people like me who thought she seemed a bit funny. "What a weirdo!" I almost said to myself but I realized the wisdom in what she was doing. She was teaching someone in need like me how to deal with my situation -- use magnifying lens to see God in a seemingly impossible situation.

Again, I exhaled a deep breathe... and with that, released all the grief I held in my heart. Ok, ok... I said to myself. I'll try using magnifying lens to search for God in my trying situation even if it means using a microscope or a telescope to do so. I'll learn from my grandma friend and live in peace.

When He Went Forth to Lead His People Through the Desert

2004-05-23T17:44:00.000-07:00

When He went forth to lead His people through the desert, the earth trembled, the heavens poured down rain! Then He gave a rain of blessings to comfort His weary children.

I think my desert is about to start in a few days now. Days of glory and abundance will end soon. But My Leader assures me that when we march out into the desert, the heavens will pour out rain and I shall not be weary.

My desert is my work. Someone very important to me will be gone soon and I would have to smarten up, stand on my own two feet and walk (even run)while standing tall. I thrive with the comfort of knowing that there's someone watching over me... looking after my welfare. But now, duty calls me to be the Guardian instead of being "guarded" and I don't know if I'm ready. Doubt is still in my head now. But sooner or later, I know, I will make it through the desert because Someone will lead me and will send rain of abundance before me.